Personalised death threats / Streatham postcards

Want something to remember that perfect romantic break to Streatham by? Then this collection of postcards is ideal for you!

Or perhaps you're an oddball who wants to receive a semi-coherent threat of violence through the post simply so you can feel something? In which case, a personalised death threat from Roger Parsnip, the Streatham Rovers FC Club Committee Member for Youth, Community & Schools Engagement is the perfect treat!!

(Warning: Roger is liable to write some very nasty things on these, so please don't order one if you're easily offended or have a heart condition. The man's a brute, quite honestly. The club claim it's all an act but I'm not so sure. He seems to have it in for me because I was once a contestant on The Apprentice. Also, these death threats will take a few days to get written because Roger is a very tempermental man and has to be "in the mood".)

Note: death threats are safely sealed in an envelope, so please don't worry about the postman calling the police.